There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
