i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
