I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
