She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
