I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
