Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
