bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
If I die, sorry about rent.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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