the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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