It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
