All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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