I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Randomize
