ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
