it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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