i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
