There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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