Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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