Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
