Your face is a jimmy john
apparently the secret to your success is patron
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
