I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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