this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
