Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
