You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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