hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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