I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Randomize
