she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
