Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You may now shotgun with the bride
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
