If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
