You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
