Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
