it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
