so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
