wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
