I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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