I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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