if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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