my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
