I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
