you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
