he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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