he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
