How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
