and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Randomize
