you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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