He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
