So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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