Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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