he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
