It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Drake has all the answers
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
