White coat. Heels.
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
