Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
