I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You can't just leave with hair like that
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
